Gary Kelp (Samuel Johnson) is losing the plot. As he edits a medical journal called The Illustrated Family Doctor, his life and his body seem to be falling apart. A black comedy about coping with the modern world, based on the novel by David Snell.

Haru, an orphaned American who washes ashore in Japan and is mistaken for the great White Ninja of legend. Raised among the finest Ninjas, Haru grows strong and big - very big. With the grace of all Three Stooges rolled into one body, Haru is an embarrassment to his clan. But when a beautiful blonde pleads for his help, Haru is given one dangerous, disastrously funny chance to prove himself.