Fontaine Khaled is the London wife of wealthy Arab businessman Benjamin, whose money she blows on partying and on her nightclub, "The Hobo". She hires handsome Tony to manage her club, but it's understood that his job security is dependent on his satisfying her nymphomaniacal demands. He soon loses interest, and turns his attention to her stepdaughter Alexandra, who uses him to get back at Fontaine for cheating on her father.

In order to revive his long hibernating bride, Vampira, Count Dracula takes blood samples from several beautiful models, but during the transfusion, Vampira's race turns from white to black.

Percy, the man with the world's first penis transplant, discovers that there is a chemical in the world's water that makes men impotent.

The editor of an erotic magazine listens to the fantasies of his models.

A missing formula, a defecting Eastern European scientist kidnapped, car chases, foot chases, air chases, the British secret service, and a couple of American tourists caught right in the middle.

Alfie meets his romantic match when the modern-day Casanova falls in love with a career woman. Alfie soon realises that Abby, a magazine editor, is just as romantically ruthless as he is.

An American ex-con who is trying to go straight is persuaded to be the inside man for an audacious bank job in central London.

Hans a young German journalist arrives in London to write an article about au-pair girls, but is requested by friends to investigate the whereabouts of their teenage daughter Greta.

A funny thing happens to Lurcio on the way to the rent-a-vestal-virgin market stall. A mysterious scroll falls into his hands, listing the names of all the conspirators plotting to murder Emperor Nero. And when the upstart slave is elected to infiltrate the ringleader's den, the comical ups-and-downs lead to total uproar.