A dead horse infects two men with a disease that turns them into overacting, poorly made up zombies. As they carry on defecating and vomiting on each other they contaminate a field of yeast, giving two Nazi-wannabes the idea of buying the infected field, selling the yeast in home wine-brewing kits and destroying the rest of humanity by spreading the infection.

Set up by their boss to be knocked off following a final heist, soon-to-retire crooks Brian Hope and Charlie McManus get wind of their impending demise and run off with the spoils of their crime. Fleeing their boss, the drug dealers they robbed, the police, and Brian's angry girlfriend, the duo take refuge in a training convent for nuns. In disguise, they convince Sister Superior that they're nuns, a charade they're forced to maintain as their enemies arrive.

A lowly hospital orderly impersonates a recently deceased doctor and goes to work in the busy ER of a small hospital where he meets and befriends a nurse who slowly figures out his secret and helps him maintain his charade.