Sexually repressed Meghan desperately tries to reach climax but is thwarted at every turn by the ghost that haunts her vagina.

Former pop-star turned con artist Simon Delancey is kidnapped by two fans of his eighties band the Venus Hunters, and blackmailed to re-form the band for one final show.

The Romanian count known as Dracula is summoned to London by Arthur Holmwood, a young Lord who is one the verge of being wed. Unknown to Arthur's future bride Lucy, her future husband is infected with syphilis and therefore cannot consummate their marriage. Arthur has laid his hopes of being cured on the enigmatic count; as it is said that Dracula has extraordinary powers. But these supernatural powers have sinister origins. The Count is a vampire. Soon Arthur realizes his serious mistake as all hell breaks loose and the Count infects others with his ancient curse. But Dracula has not counted on the young Lord acquiring the assistance of the Dutch Vampire expert Prof. Abraham Van Helsing.

At the dawn of the 20th century, following their father's arrest on suspicion of betraying state secrets, the three Waterbury children—Bobbie, Phyllis and Peter—move with their mother to Yorkshire, where they find themselves involved in unexpected dramas along the railway by their new home.