After a series of mysterious killings in the German countryside, it is discovered that vampires with origins in the Middle Ages are to blame for the attacks. The condemned vampire clan leader and his followers created a new master to replace him, one to rule over the present day, unless he an his minions can be stopped by a group of modern vampire killers.

Olaf and his wife have lost that magic spark in their marriage. He wipes huge boogers on her face and they keep putting things in each other’s food like toenails and dandruff. Marriage counselors in the form of Hitler and Bin Laden seem completely alien to them, a secret baby is accidentally cooked, their genitals seem mutated, etc.

A prison bus with over a dozen criminals on board has an accident and rams another car, in which Dr. Douglas Madsen was on his way home. Most of the prisoners die. Four of them survive, one of them severely injured. After having killed all the guards, they head for the woods. They take Dr. Douglas Madsen hostage. Suddenly a huge house appears in the middle of the woods. The leader of the group, Arthur, emphasizes that he will kill Douglas and every single member of the "family" if his wounded brother would die. Meanwhile some members of the family show strange behavior, and very soon mayhem breaks loose.