Wayne Gretzky is a vampire who can't grow his teeth. His impotence began when he inadvertently killed Mary Lipinsky, the love of his life, 300 years ago. To take his mind off the pain, he teaches college history - who better? Attempting to regain his full power, he enlists help from his friend and colleague, Dr. Levine. Nothing works until a new semester brings freshman Chris Keller. She's a dead ringer for Mary and they have a lurid affair, while rumors fly around the campus. But it all sours when he turns Chris into a vampire and her newfound bloodlust spins out of control in a bloody rampage, making the rumors a little too real.

After Dick Harper loses his job at Globodyne in an Enron-esque collapse, he and his wife, Jane, turn to crime in order to handle the massive debt they now face. Two intelligent people, Dick and Jane actually get pretty good at robbing people and even enjoy it -- but they have second thoughts when they're reminded that crime can hurt innocent people. When the couple hears that Globodyne boss Jack McCallister actually swindled the company, they plot revenge.