The Crapkeeper hosts two stories combining highbrow entertainment with kung fu action, alien adventure and vampire lesbian sex.

A dysfunctional family of adult film stars reunites for a memorial porn shoot following the death of legendary producer Mo Saltzman. Along the way, the film's hapless director must contend with dueling divas, bickering couples, emotionally-scarred tag-team brothers, and a dominatrix with low self-esteem. Given its all-star cast and lofty pedigree, the film should be the greatest porno of all time

Captain Scurvy F. Dog, Proprietor of the Caribbean Pub, Entertains his Patrons with Tales of his Privateerin' Adventures. Flashbacks of the Captain's 8 Voyages include Encounters with King Neptune, a Mermaid, WitchDoctor, Island Girls & a Sea Witch to name a few... With Dangerous, Sexy, Gross & Often Hilarious Results! Set Sail in a Tall Ship Headed for Disaster on the High Seas! Witness SwordFightin', Cannibalism & Wet Wenches! Sing Along to Scurvy Dog's Pirate Shanties, Learn Pirate Proverbs, Codes of Conduct & Treasure Never Afore Heared Pirate Jokes! So Grabs Yerself a Tankard of Rum, Lash the Wheel to Stern, Jerk Off... Yer Boots & Socks, & Join Captain Scurvy Dog, Along with Seaweed Sally, Drift Wood, Cork Screw & the Rest of the Pirates & Wenches of the Caribbean in "Pirate Scurvy Dog's Pieces of Eight" !

Joe Barring is a motorcycle-riding, beer-drinking womanizer who takes odd jobs and still lives with his parents. Following an arrest, he gets a rude awakening when he learns that he is the father of at least one of three children whose mother has recently died, and that he is now their legal guardian.

This follow-up to the George Romero/Stephen King-launched anthology series features five new tales of horror and a wraparound. The main stories deal with alternative realities ("Alice"), possessed communication devices ("The Radio"), vampires and serial killers in lust ("Call Girl"), mad inventors ("The Professor's Wife"), and hauntings from beyond the grave ("Haunted Dog").

Rural romance

Leon and TJ are best friends and repo men. After ten years, with a high school reunion looming, Leon wants out of the repo business. TJ has concocted a hair-brained scheme to steal all the cars they've repoed. When the plan fails, it falls to Leon to save TJ from his own plan.