Fitness fanatic, Donald Leek, indulges in a monthly Chunky Monkey experience with, someone vaguely resembling movie-songstress, Julie Andrews, who he's expecting at 7:30pm. His obsession with Ms. Andrews (and her posterior) is somewhat disturbing to say the least. Before she arrives however, he has to dispose of the body parts of Mr Azam, manager of his favourite Indian restaurant, who has neglected to send him a Christmas card. He is interrupted by a peculiar assortment of unwelcome visitors, amongst them, Jesus Christ and a one-testicled self-made millionaire. Each one is as unhinged as their host, who retaliates to the intrusion in extreme fashion

Three Englishmen working as waiters on a cruise ship in 1927 are given a chance to work for the Al Capone gang.

The annual British Hairdressing Championship comes to Keighley, a town where Phil and son Brian run a barbershop and Phil's ex-wife Shelly and her lover Sandra run a beauty salon.