Everyone has an off day...but Malcolm didn't know how off his day would be when he calls in sick to work. Apart from causing himself physical damage as he tries to get through his day, he must also contend with the Bat Girl, a wild child raised in a cave, who has just escaped from a sanitarium. Throw in a deranged president of the United States, a sinister hypnotist, and a dose of media madness, and Malcolm finds out what sick time really means.

A rock like alien lands on Earth looking for sustenance. What does it eat? Intelligence! One touch of the rock and it sucks the smarts, if you have any, right out of you. Dr. Belinda Garland studies the alien rock to harness its power. However the evil Amazing Jacques and his co-hort, The Spiderwoman, plan to use the rock's brain sucking power to rule the world.

What do you do when you fall into a vat of Viagra, and your entire body turns hard as a rock? Start a league of tawdry superheroes, of course! The invincible Doc Mild teams up with walking cell phone Chip Martin, genius Math McCue, and the obnoxious voice of Pamela Mae Sweet to fight the All-Crazy terrorist network. But their employer, President Douche of the United States of Martica, is hiding a dangerous secret. Will the "Tight 50" hold off the evildoers long enought to discover the sinister plan? And just what is the Leader of the Free World Market carrying in that little black box?